We've MOVED!

upon constant request from a buddy of mine...I have moved my blog to wordpress.

it can be found here:

http://theusualchaos.wordpress.com/


i will be formatting it throughout the day....it's slightly confusing right now

"Life is a storm

... my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine! Then the fates will know you as we know you: as Albert Mondego, the man!": Edmond Dantes - Counte of Monte Cristo......favorite movie ever.

so i realize i havent written in a while but life has been rather busy as of late. So here we go!

Friday night was spent relaxing with a friend of mine who made dinner in return for some booze.....mmmmm stuffed shells!

Saturday we finally had our first WW trip of the year, skiing at Blue Moutain. It was my first time out on the mountain all season and it felt SO GOOD. I hung out with Mervin, Tim, Chris, and Bryant for most of the day so it was all good. The busdriver missed the Sheetz on the way home (i believe on purpose), so Tim was pissed that we had to settle for WaWa.

Best quote of the day goes to Tim: "Everyone hold on, my happy trail is stuck in my jeans, I cant move!"

Saturday night I went to MadMex with Matt for a bit then watched some canadian HS drama show with Liz till like 3 in the A.

Sunday I relaxed for a good portion of the morning since I hadn't really had time to myself lately (maybe i shouldve blogged then). Then watched "Love Actually" with Liz......let's talk about this movie for a second....

So I really like the idea of love being all around, and almost always conquering everything....it's basically my philosophy on life....but is it realistic in this day-in-age? i continue to hope so, but idk. Plus, the girl who ends up with the prime minister is INCREDIBLY attractive...both in the way she loks, and the kind of person that she portrays.....Zoey may have competition.....
Anywho, i got a little depressed after the movie was over seeing as how i havent really seen love anywhere around me at all lately.....blah.

On Monday we got the news that two brothers of AXP passed away in a car acident this past weekend......now obvi I feel sorry for their friends/family....but....(disclaimer: pessimism). I feel like people become so fake when things like this happen. This goes back to my discussion about "love being all around." People in the world (or at least around here) generally dont give a flying fuck about anyone but themselves.....then when things like this happen, everyone is all "cherish life" "i love you" blah blah blah......and then a week from now it will all go back to the same....there will still be drama, animosity, hate, apathy, and a total disregard for anything that doesnt immediately benefit you. Idk, i guess I fell like the way people act cheapens the tragedy that happened....you want my advice....try to ACTUALLY LEARN SOMETHING from this.....not how maybe YOU should stop and smell the roses, bc when ur gone, well, ur gone. But thw way that you TREAT OTHER people, will live on.....if that makes any sense.

ok, pessimism over.

Monday i woke up at 3AM to go to work early bc i had a presentation to my regional manager proposing the project i have been working on all coop. Originally we prokected it to be abouit 60k, but it has since gone up to about 160k....and is still rising, so i was freaking out that they were going to pull the plug....but they didnt....yet.

Then yesterday i was able to kind of catch up on some more WW stuff (we have another ski trip this Saturday), and have some time to myself...which was nice.

Lets see what today brings!

Currently Listn'n: Rammstein - "Amerika"

ready to RAWK

So I just bought this puppy for the upcoming ski trip.......it has built in headphones for cruisin and jammin......im pretty happy about it.


I cant wait to ski.......just the thought of careening down a mountain at high speeds has improved my mood for today :)

i remember this life...

This whole last week has just bit a shitstorm for various reasons....work, social life, family, my future, fear of the unknown.....

This song came on one of my mixs this morning.....and I think that out of all the songs ive ever listened to.....it probably has the best glimpse into my life thus far...

I've given up on giving up slowly, I'm blending in soYou won't even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fateThis one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemptionBecause I know to live you must give your life awayAnd I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity andI've been locked inside that house all the while You hold the keyAnd I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of meAnd even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going becauseI gotta get outta hereI'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistakeI gotta get outta hereAnd I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm begging You to be my escape.I'm giving up on doing this alone nowCause I've failed and I'm ready to be shown howHe's told me the way and I'm trying to get thereAnd this life sentence that I'm servingI admit that I'm every bit deserving But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity andI've been locked inside that house all the while You hold the keyAnd I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of meAnd even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going becauseI gotta get outta hereCause I'm afraid that this complacency is something I can't shakeI gotta get outta hereAnd I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm begging You to be my escape. I am a hostage to my own humanity Self detained and forced to live in this mess I've madeAnd all I'm asking is for You to do what You can with meBut I can't ask You to give what You already gaveCause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity andI've been locked inside that house all the while you hold the keyAnd I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of meAnd even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going becauseI've gotta get outta hereI'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistakeI've gotta get outta hereAnd I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm beggingYou to be my escape.I fought You for so longI should have let You inOh how we regret those things we doAnd all I was trying to do was save my own skin But so were You So were You

i'm oh so tired of everything right now.......i dont know how to get by....maybe ill just myself with work since i have a lot of WW stuff to do.

i tihnk i need to reevaluate the life ive been living, sometimes i feel like being the "nice guy" was a terrible choice, as only assholes seem to be happy in today's world.

...but who am i kidding, i do like the person ive become, and when it comes down to it, i would never forgive myself for not beign true to who i am and the way i believe life should be lived. Life is a gift, a precious one, not be squandored with sexual promiscuity and hate/apathy......life is meant to be LIVED....and the only way to do that is to love, unexlplicably, unabidedly, unadulturated love.

......i just cant seem to find any here

Currently Listn'n: Plain White T's - "Hate"

It's raining...

....inside of my head this week.

i picked that opening statement because I feel like a lot of people's moods are directly influeneced by the weather around them.....hence you get a "wintertime depression"...also why more people date/have relationships during the spring/summer time......it's just how you feel at the time.

So since it's raining in my head im kind of scared......bc this means that i've been in sort of an emo mood as of late.....something I really didn't want to go back to since I left it in highschool.

Soooooo, some backstory....my life in HS was really bad. I was (still am?) the fat kid that few people liked. I never really had any close friends (only 1 that I still talk to....but even then it's rare)....and hardly any relationships to speak of.

This got slightly better around junior year when I joined my marching band (drumline), the choir, and the stagecrew.....it was nice to finally find people who I could talk to....and who wouldn't judge me for what i looked like, where i was from, or what music i listened to.....it was really nice......i miss it more than anything in the world. I've made a lot of friends in college through pike, WW, all my classes, works, and activities....but it's not like it used to be. Everyone is so focused on being "independant" that they seldom think they need/will take advice....which is one of the only things im actually good at......so what purpose do i have? to continually offer a service that means nothing to everybody? my life is kind of empty. I really dont know what to do sometimes.

maybe that's one of the reasons why im so focused on relationships....bc i know that in one of those i have an outlet to give of myself to someone who would appreciate it...id belong somewhere.....and i have so much to give.

as a kid i really had no family life to speak of....my father worked a min of 60 hrs a week (still does), my mom teaches and has a disorder where shes fatigued all the time......my little brother has ADD. Past all of that, when we got home we would basically go into our respective rooms, come out for dinner, then retire to do homework.watch TV/ whatever......wash-rinse-repeat. Of course I love my family more than anything....but when i was with my crew kids or the band, i felt like i had a place that I really flourished...i got used to that.

Here, especially given the fact that i am CONSTANTLY busy with all of the activities/assignents that i have on my plate, i dont think ive made any real close friends that I can really be myself around....there are few people who i would feel comfortable explaining my past to....and even less who would understand the other things not mentioned here...

they say that "home is where the heart is"......so i guess i live on my sleeve then.

Currently Listn'n: ReliantK - "Deathbed"

another fucking day, it's still a nine-to-five i swear...

...i don't want to reach the top, I don't want top be a millionaire. (Catch22: "arm to arm")

so friday night I ended up just going to the social with DPhiE for a little bit....had a few beers then peaced since it was kind of lame. Then I came back, hung out and half-watched a movie.....good times.

Saturday was spent rock-climbing with the rest of the RA staff in my building for our team-builder.....I only made it halfway up the first wall bc i ran out of handholds that could effectively support my weight....i got yelled at for not finishing by some skinny bitch...i told her to finish a meal for once in her life and then try it (not really, im notthat mean....but i thought about saying it).....but the next wall we went to I made it up to the top.....so i was happy about that. Then we all went to the cafe which was a terrible idea, because everytime i go there I feel like i need to a eat a lot to get my moneys worth since they charge so much.....i felt like death afterwards.

Saturday night I went to drink at 530 (hahaha) with gumby and a few people I rly did not want to see before going to deepher dude, which is essencially a male pageant show...but it's to rase money for cystic fibrosis, so I guess it's ok. I left about 2/3 of the way through bc I was bored.....so we went to one of the brothers' houses on Arch St. to play some 10-cup pong for a bit.......first thing that happened was i got the keg cap put in my beer (which means you have to chug it)...then i played about 4 games of pong......i was kindof messed up....i tackled to guys who were each twice my size for no reason whatsoever otrher than i thought it would be hilarious.....it was......i almost stopped breathing bc i was laughing so hard....then they told me i should probably go home and go to bed......so i went home, and hung out with Liz for a bit, then went to bed.

Sunday consisted of catching up on some much needed rest and relaxation....it was glorious.

Today is looking up, as my staff meeting is cancelled tonight on account of MLK Day....although I still have to be on duty.

Currently Listn'n: 12 Stones - "Lie to Me"

celebrity blogggggggg

Pete is listening to Rent right now. It's embarrassing and awesome at the same time. Just saying. :)

No one is looking out for anyone but number one

Yeah, we used to be in love (my love!), but now we're just in like - And we broke all our promises and baby that ain't right - Because you don't know what it's like to lose it all...(Streetlight Manifestio: "The Receiving End of it All")

So i was having a conversation yesterday and the topic of selfishness came up.....so that will be today's topic.

Selfishness: Selfishness denotes the precedence given in thought or deed to the self, i.e., self interest or self concern. It is the act of placing one's own needs or desires above the needs or desires of others.

To an extent I believe that some amount of selfishness is permitted....for instance, not doing that extra 10 hrs of community service with your fraternity because you have a final to study for......but where do we draw the line? especially in a world where that line seldom exists anymore. IMHO most people are only out for number one (especailly at our age (early 20s)). I feel as though this makes trusting someone nearly impossible.....since all they want in the end is to improve their own situation, and what happens to you is only of consequence if it helps them......this leaves people like myself at a loss for words on most occasions....maybe i just dont understand....but maybe that's a good thing, bc i dont think i want to understand that lifestyle.

It's important to make the distinction between living your life for yourself, for one person, or for others in general......bc each has it's own pros/cons, just like everything else.

Living for yourself: is guess is great bc you only have to be accountabel for yourself..but in the end I'd think that that would be kind of a lonely eistance. After all, how can you possibly hope to make a meaningfull connection with other peoiple if, underneath it all, you really don't care about them? Answer: you can't....and you will be alone....in the worst, most difinative kind of way. I feel like this has been the downfall of many of my relationships in the past....most of the girls I dated weren't ready to break out of their selfish "freshman" mentality. A relationship requires compromise and communication, and when one party only cares about themselves, it makes it nary impossible to continue.

Living for one person: This stage can happen when in a relationship. It's great when the relationship is good bc you feel completely fulfilled (see: "in love")....but when troubles come, it feels like it's all your fault bc you've combined your happiness with that of the other person. This is something I am entirely guilty of on occasion.....i fall very quickly, and very hard, and so sometimes I lose myself a bit in the magic of a relationship.....this leads to jealousy, paranoia, and nagging.....all things that individually can be the downfall of the very thing you hold so dear. So, in this case being selfish can be a bad thing bc it leads to irrational thoughts, which have very real consequences.

Living your life for others in general: This is me in a nutshell......i do it, and i kindasorta love it. I love to make other people happy....i feed off of it, and i think it is the greatest feeling in the world (which explains my attitude whilst in a relationship...it's sort of just a focused extension of this). The thing with this mentality is that it is extremely bipolar at times.....i seem to go through these days where I am redic happy, and then others where depression seems to take all the energy from me. Most of the time im happy (or at least neutral)....but when the unhappy hits, it hits pretty hard. Being who I am requires that I am at all times open, compassionate, loyal, and trusting......some might even say gullible. I believe what most people tell me because who am I to judge whether they are giving me the truth? I have to trust that they are good people with no motive to lie or be misguiding or manipulative.....as you can tell this typically ends badly bc of the aforementioned selfishness of the general population. I get taken advantage of/led on by most people I meet....it's not necessarily that they mean to do it....they just aren't used to dealing with someone like myself....i guess?

If you've been following my blog then you know about my obsessions within blatant honesty and altruism.....I wear my heart openly on my sleeve at all times. Yes, i have my dark secrets like everyone does, but i don't lie about them if confronted.

I hate playing games too....the endless confusion of what are you saying? what did you mean by this?......it frustrates me more than the normal person bc I expect everyone to be as honest as I am....but that rly isn't fair of me I guess.

Oh this crazy world we live in......just remember......love others....if you take 1 thing from reading this or any of my posts.....just understand that Love truely is the greatest thing in this world. It can verily bring you back to life when you feel close to the edge of nothingness...it can stop tears in an instant...and it produces the greatest feelings that we can ever know.

Currently Listn'n: TobyMac - "Made to Love"

she had 5 colors in her hair.

So last night we sold out our trip to Blue Mountain within 30hr of opening the booth.....I was pretty excited about it since I really didnt want to sit there for 3 hours. We also decided that we are oging to do another trip the weekend after this one for twice the amount of people.....something I've never actually done before, so I'm a bit nervous/excited to see how this is going to turn out.

Then, we had this RA event where we are trying to convince the freshman class to sign up to live in uperclassman housing.....so we basically were tour guides for the residence halls till 11PM

I couldnt sleep last night.....again.....idk if it's that my sleep schedule is off, or if the things that have been on my mind won't let me sleep bc im too excited/nervous/idkwhatelsetousetodescribeit.

Tonight I've got PIKE until late, so I have a feeling I wont be sleeping too well again :/ but I guess that's what the weekend is for.....NOPE. Friday night we are having a tour de' Franzia social with DPhiE, and it's also my friend Kyle's 21st birthday. I'd like to go to both bc 1. he was in my pledge class and is a good friend fo mine and 2. i haven't seen a lot of my friends in DPHiE in quite some time so it'd b nice. The only thing is.....i feel kind of apathetic about the whole partying thing right now.....idk.....maybe I'm getting old hahaha. I mean, I still want to go out.....I guess I'm just in a bit of a lull right now.....I'm sure i'll be psyched for it by the time it happens.

THEEEEN i get to rock climbing for a few hours on Saturday with my RA staff for this team building crap...then Im trying to go to mad mex after that since I havent really drank with matt since he turned 21 over break....also he's a lot like me so maybe he can help me sort out some stuff thats been on my mind.

Sunday i dont think i have any plans....so that day will be used to recoup from the weekend before I get to start this allll over again.....woohoo.

Currently Listn'n: Rent - "One Song, Glory"

im weird

so last night was a blasty.....hung out and drank pina coladas, played Wii sports and sang almost all of my favorite songs from my various playlists.......apparently im an indie kid at heart...i just have better taste in music.

then i went and got probably the best tasting food ive ever eaten from Cali P. (obviosuly bc i was pretty drunk at the time). and enjoyed it while watching "The Legend of the Seeker" some semi-cheesey pseudoreniassance type show that I actually enjoy (cant wait for the next fair!).

...here comes the weird part..... so i went to bed around midnight... then i woke up at 3:30 to get a drink of water and to use the bathroom....but then i couldnt get back to sleep. i guess i was just restless but idk. So i decided to just come to work haha. I've been here since 530AM and will probably leave around noon. It's nice not having anyone else in the office....

Currently Listn'n: Matt Nathanson - "Come on, get Higher"

Today's Song

McFly: "Too Close For Comfort"

I never meant the things I saidTo make you cry Can I say I'm sorry It's hard to forget And yes I regret All these mistakes I don't know why you're leaving Me But I know you must have your reasons There's tears in your eyes I watch as you cry But it's getting late Was I invading in on your secrets Was I too close for comfort You're pushing me out When I'm wanting in What was I just about to discove rWhen I got too close for comfort Driving you home Guess I'll never know Remember when we scratched our names into the sand And told me you loved me But now that I find That you've changed your mind I'm lost for words And everything I feel for youI wrote down on one piece of paper The one in your hand You won't understand How much it hurts to let you go Was I invading in on your secrets Was I too close for comfort You're pushing me out When I'm wanting in What was I just about to discover I got too close for comfort Driving you home Guess I'll never know All this time you've been telling me lies Hidden in bags that are under your eyes And when I asked you I knew I was right But if you turn your back on me now When I need you most But you chose to let me down Won't you think about what you're about to do to me And back down...Was I invading in on your secrets Was I too close for comfort You're pushing me out When I'm wanting in What was I just about to discover I got too close for comfort You're pushing me out When I'm wanting in(Yeh yeh yeh)What was I just about to discover When I got too close for comfort Driving you home I guess I'll never know...

uggggh

so I waso n duty last night.....not to many issues ecept for this room-o-tools who refused to turn off their music....

-We knock and they open the door-
Me: can you please turn down the music? it's 11 at night and I can hear it down the hall."
Them: "sure"
Me: "thanks, have a good night"
-door closes and i continue on rounds-
-by the time i get to the end of the hall i can hear it again, so i go baccck to the room and repeat-
Me: "What the fuck did I just tell you?"
Them: "we were just about to turn it down dude"
Me: "no, you weren't, ive been standing here for 5 mins, you had no intentions of turning it down, you were just waiting for me to be out of earshot."
Them: "yeah your right"
Me: "no shit.....disrespect me like that again and im writing you up....PEACE"

i hate dumbasses

_________________________

in other news, i couldnt sleep last night at all.....so i ended up staying up till 3 AM.....and now im tired, i feel like shit. My stomach is absoluely KILLING ME right now....idk what the fuck is wrong, but i always fear the worst....like an ulcer or appendicitis or something.....idk, hopefully it just goes away so that I can enjoy a pina colada tonight hahaha.


Currently Listn'n: McFly: "The Heart Never Lies"

oompa loompa

being sick sucks so bad....I'm glad it's pretty much over :)

as my last post indicated, I presumably had strep throat last week so i was heavily regimenting antibiotics, day/ny-quil, orange juice, soup, sleep, and peppermint tea. So needless to say I didn't really do too much this weekend besides recovering.

Apparently all my friends went out on Friday night to Irish Pub.....i was really looking forward to it but i guess there will always be next time. Saturday night was spent watching movies. I was actually pretty productive on Sunday: got all my bulletin boards done and went to a chapter meeting.

I get to be on duty tonight since it's Monday which menas ill be up late again annnnd tired tomorrow.

In other news, I think I'm feeling pretty good about life, but that's probably because i've been listening to wonderfull music all morning.

Currently Listn'n: McFly - "I'll be OK"

blarg

so im sick

possibly with Strep throat.

i have off until Monday......so that means either I will be bored and blogging.....or I will be to sick to do so.

well c what happens.

I'm falling into this, in dreams we run away

so yesterday was pretty lame..........i ended up going over to the pike house for a bit to chill and watch a movie.......and of course that can't be done without alcohol. I didnt really want to drink because I feel like i've been doing that a lot lately and I think there are more important things in life.........but nevertheless I did....and I drank vodka.....and vodka makes me an angry person......then i got some news that would've pissed me off even if i HADNT been drinking.......hence last night's blog post lol

I don't understand people. There are few things that Iactually take pride in as a human being, but one of them is my uncanny ability to be honest.......I've explained why I do this in previous posts. Anywho, I refuse to with-hold information from anybody, and I feel that sometimes that gets me in trouble because I am "too honest." Do we really live in a world where we'd prefer to live lies? That we'd rather find comfort in something fake then face a reality that we have to work at?

Welcome to the reason behind EVERY failed relationship......and I feel like im headed there again.....one of my exs is trying to come back into my life and I would really prefer if that didn't happen......we aren't right for each other, and im more than OK with that.....but at the same time I have this desire to be in a committed relationship. So here a I am, buzed, angry, and dealing with this internal struggle of what to do.

Thankfully, the answer was obvious when I woke up this morning though........she left my life a while ago, and she isnt allowed back in as anything more than a friend. I think I deserve better.

"Today will be a day filled with uplifting music so I can get back to enjoying this life I've been given.......

Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing We're just one big family And It's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more It cannot wait I'm sure There's no need to complicate Our time is short This is our fate, I'm yours"


Peace and love.....but mostly love

Currently Listn'n: Daughtry: "What About Now"

.....................

Every time i think of you I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue It's no problem of mine but it's a problem I find Living a life that I can't leave behind There's no sense in telling me The wisdom of a fool won't set you free But that's the way that it goes And it's what nobody knows While every day my confusion grows Every time I see you falling I get down on my knees and pray I'm waiting for that final moment You'll say the words that I can't say I feel fine and I feel good I'm feeling like I never shouldWhenever I get this way, I just don't know what to sayWhy can't we be ourselves like we were yesterdayI'm not sure what this could meanI don't think you're what you seemI do admit to myselfThat if I hurt someone elseThen I'll never see just what we're meant to beEvery time I see you fallingI get down on my knees and prayI'm waiting for that final momentYou'll say the words that I can't say

because im married to my only love, and music is my wife

well, not really, but we have this torrid love affair going on at least.

I've decided that I really hate the radio.....all I want o do is listen to music while I'm driving so I don't fall asleep and die....but noooooo, the goddamn disk jockeys can't shut their fricken mouths more then once an hour to do that. I really don't care about your "stupid news" or your "crank calls.".....although one station did play No Doubt today.....that was exciting.

Last night was very long: after getting home from work I stopped at Kelly Delli to get sushi for dinner, went home, had a protien shake, went to the gym, shaved, showered, ate the sushi, had a meeting with my boss, worked from 7-8:30 at the front desk, had a staff meeting till 10:30, did rounds till 11, went to bed.

Mondays.suck.so.hard.

but at least now I don't have much to do for the rest of the week. Today is the season premeir of SCRUBS, which i am FRICKIN PUMPED for!. I may have a meeting wednsday with the SCDC advisory comittee, and then I have a PIKE judicial board meeting sometime on thursday to discuss Bylaw revisions. Then Friday I'm supposed to go out to the bar for Billy Bupp's birthday.....but i don't think ill be out for too long. Then, im on duty Saturday night so I'll have to figure something out for then.

....ok so maybe my schedule isnt as free as i thought......but at least none of the days are completely packed from beginning to end lol.

But other than that I'm feeling pretty good about life right now......still kind of reeling from this weekend and the break.....but in general, im happier now than ive been in quite some time :)

Currently Listn'n: Project 86: "Your Heroes are Dead"

You opened my blue, to see a whole new life

....and if you're by my side when everyday begins...I'll fall for you again.

i love that song

So now that the holidays are over, it's back to the grindstone so to speak....bleh. This past weekend was a lot of fun. Went to my friends place on Friday night to finish what beer was left over from his New Years Eve party. After the party kind of died down I ended up chilling on a couch till 4AM watching terrible chick flicks.....i rly dont why i agreed to that lol.

Then Saturday I went to get chinese food at this vegan place in china-town. I got Eggplant and Tofu in Garlic Sauce.....it was delicious. Then that night I was again up until 4AM, but this time we watched a good movie (Sweeney Todd).

Sunday I slept in and then did some floor decorations...then I had 2 hrs of RA training which was one of the biggest wastes of time ever.

SO, needless to say, my sleep schedule is kind of messed up and it's not going to get better yet because today is Mondat....which is my day to be on duty during the week so I will undoubtedly be up late.

So far, I don't have anything planned this week which is kind of strange for me.....maybe I'll do some weekend warriros planning or something.....maybe.

Currently Lisn'n - Stellar Kart: "Innocent"

lazy friday

so i think im taking a half day today.....as no one is really going to be in the office.

Tonight will most likely be spent at some bar since my friend Matt finally turned 21 over Christmas break and he's gettin back sometime today.......I will be making him drink tequila to celebrate muahahaha.

This weekend I'm supposed to go and get chinese food with a friend of mine....but I also get to be on duty Saturday night....womp womp......hopefully I can get it switched since Im pumped to see everyone who went away for the Holiday.

Currently Listn'n - Sum 41: "With Me" (this is actually a really great song so here are the lyrics)....

I don't want this moment to ever endWhere everythings nothing without youI'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile'Cause it's true, I am nothing without youThrough it all, I made my mistakesI stumble and fall, but I mean these wordsI want you to knowWith everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soulI'll hold on to this moment you know, 'as I bleed my heart out to showAnd I won't let goThoughts read unspoken, forever in doubtPieces of memories fall to the groundI know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go'Cause it's true, I am nothing without youAll the streets where I walked alone, with nowhere to goI've come to an endI want you to knowWith everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soulI'll hold on to this moment you know, 'as I bleed my heart out to showAnd I won't let goIn front of your eyes, it falls from the skiesWhen you don't know what you're looking to findIn front of your eyes, it falls from the skiesWhen you just never know what you will find (what you will find)I don't want this moment to ever endWhere everythings nothing without youI want you to knowWith everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soulI'll hold on to this moment you know, 'as I bleed my heart out to showAnd I won't let go (I want you to know)With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soulI'll hold on to this moment you know, 'as I bleed my heart out to showAnd I won't let go

Here we go again

Happy New Years everyone.....so this year, im kinda hoping for some change. It's the change ive alluded to in a fe other posts and maybe have even outright mentioned it......but I know that not only am I ready for it, but i need it.

so the new year means that im halfway done with my last coop, which is kind of a bittersweet feeling for me. On one hand, it means im closer to moving on with myl ife, but on the other it makes me realize that im still kind of scared as to what that future id going to being. I still have over a year before I finally graduate....but I worry about it anyway lol.

So i had agood time last night atthe party I went to. We pregramed for an hour or two then took a cab to theparty proper......threw grapes at Mervin.....drank delicious champaign...then crammed in Tim's car for the ride home. Now...when I say crammed... i mean they take the biggest guy there (me) and have him sit on top of someone for the 15 min ride him. So i was basically a sidewayzish fucked up pretzel.....and my leg fell asleep lol

then we went back to the palce we pregamed at to chill out, watch a movie, and make nerd-jokes........so all in all it was a good night i think.

today was spent relaxing and wathcing movies. Im kind of excited for the new term to start bc it means the return of a lot of people and more opportuinty to go out and do stuff.....i hate being bored. And, as awkward as I am, i need social interaction.......otherwise life really just isnt worth it if u spend it all by yourself all the time

Currently Listn'n: Relient K: "Devastaion and Reform"