...as they all have been seeming to do lately. I usually have a few things to keep me entertained during the day (both work related and unrelated), but it seems like everythign is just dead today, like the world after a snowfall...it's quiet, calm, except that in my cubicle i can't make snow-angels :(
i feel like i've gotten into this rut....i wake up, go to work, come home, drink a protein shake, work out, make dinner, have 4 or so hours to do wahtever, and en rinse and repeat. I need something new and exciting in my life.....but i'm not a proponent of heavy drug usage, and i'm stingy when it comes to buying things for myself....like i could use the money to benefit something else instead of my own selfish wants. This brings to mind sometihng i've been struggling with.....what is selfishness?
The dictionary defines it as putting one's needs above those of others.
What is "need though? and what is simply "want."
Put a starving child in front of me and I can tell you implicitly what her greatest need is (it's food if you couldn't guess). But what about if the person next to you has less food than you by far, but just enough to survive....barely. Is that person in need?
IMO (in my opinion, for you non-jargon-knowing people), the answer is a resounding YES. But then what do I do? Do I just give of myself to everyone around me until I have the same amount of "stuff" as the person with the least amount? it seems we have a dilemma.
I of course feel the need to do this, bc God saw fit to make me the way I am. but sometomes I find it hard to justify giving things out. Let's take the scenario of me giving away most of my stuff.....sure ive made a few people happy, but now i dont have a home, a car, or probably a job......how can I hope to make a difference in this world.....yet if i refuse to help these people to my greatest extent now, and I work hard at my life, I can get a good job and then use my influence (if i have any) to help them even more then I could if I commited to the idea right now.....but who knows waht'll happen in the meantime while the world waits for me to get to that point.....pain and suffering aren't going to hold off just bc I ask it not to.
I guess I just can't feel happy unless I'm helping someone or making some kind of difference......and I can't make a difference for anyone if I don't have contact with them.....so what do I do?
Kutless: "Grace and Love"
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I feel the same way. I was telling a friend this morning about how I felt as though I was in the movie 'Ground Hog Day' where the character lives the same day over and over again.
ReplyDeleteEverything seems to blend together, I need some excitement and at the same time I wonder, is this what the rest of my life is going to be like...?
P.s. I want to go play in the snow.