So last night I went out with my brother Jake Tran to Mad Mex.....but this time I actually had a lot of fun. Then i finished a bunch of rum and went to Mikey's, then to the Pike house where we has various deep d escussions (i tend to do this when I get drunk). Then, I peaced out and went to bed around 1.
So i have off of work today HOORAY!
I feel like everyone I know has been doing something relating to the new year.....so time to jump on the bandwagon lol....
2008 was an interesting year for me, I've alwys considered myself to be someone with a good amount of self-realization, but I think that I came to some new and profound understandings....so I guess id call it a WIN lol.
I ended things with the girl I had been hooking up with intermitently over the previous summer and then I dated someone else this past summer. Unfortunately for me, I seem to have this innate attraction to broken people....that is....people who cannot hold a healthy relationship by themselves. Then I come in, show them what it means to be in a real relationship....and then for whatever reason they decide to peace out. My most recent gf decided to call it quits bc she was still what i call the "freshman" mindset (you know it, the one where it's OK to go out and do "stuff" without having any semblance of commitment). I've come to realize though that I really can't blame her for that.....everyone needs to grow up at their own pace, and I have no right to tell her that she has to accelerate her process just bc shes dating me. Even though it sucked hard when things ended (bc i fall really fast and really hard for people), I can honestly say that I am over it and I am happy that shes happy with the way her life is now.
....idk....im the kind of person that prefers....almost needs....to be in a relationship bc i just enjoy being able to make other people happy, and being in a relationship offers you the opportunity on a grander and more meaningfull scale.
My new years resolution this year is the same as every year lol: to change the lives of more people than the previous year.
PLAAAAAAAylist:
Reel Big Fish - Somebody hates me
Brian Setzer - Jump Jive'n' wail
Five Iron Frenzy (of course) - World Without End (live version)
Flogging Molly - Pirate Song
Less than jake - Ghosts of you and me
reel big fish - beer
streetligh manifesto - watch it crash
sugarcult - daddy's little defect
poison - every rose has its thorn
the atomic fireballs - swing sweet pussycat
Blindside - Silence
The Empty Hats - Ramblin Rover (dont laugh)
currently listn'n - The O.C. Supertones: "We Shall Overcome"
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
She said it hurts too much - I said it will never hurt enough
So this week is yet another short week in a row (i get tomorrow and Thursday off for the New Year)....which is good because I have a lot of stuff to do. Being an RA, part of my responsabilities lie in putting up bulletin boards in my hall every term.....i have 7 of them......and I need to think of ideas of waht to put up. I also need to door door decorations for all of my 48 kids. I did lolcatz last year, so i think I may do the same this year for them. Im not really the most artistically creative person in the world.....so it may take me some time to do this.
So i made a commitment a few weeks ago to start being healthier......better food....more gym time...etc. This was going pretty well until the Holidays rolled around and I went home to my Italian family who veritably forced food down my throat whenever I wasn't sleeping. I feel like I've gotten a bit lazy because of it....I need to get back into the swing of things. blah.
I have a feeling that today is going to take forrrrrevvvvverrrrrr to finish up, and after work is over I have to go pick up alcohol for NYE....both for my brothers and for the shindig im going to (finally found a place I actually have an interest in going to haha). Originally, I was just going to go to a house party thrown by my fraternity...but honestly, the whole "hey lets hang out with these sorority girls.....again!" thing kinda got old for me about a year ago....so I rly didn't want to deal with that this year.
I found this comic entertaining:
http://www.explosm.net/comics/1511/
Currently Listn'n: Sanctus Real: "Deeds"
So i made a commitment a few weeks ago to start being healthier......better food....more gym time...etc. This was going pretty well until the Holidays rolled around and I went home to my Italian family who veritably forced food down my throat whenever I wasn't sleeping. I feel like I've gotten a bit lazy because of it....I need to get back into the swing of things. blah.
I have a feeling that today is going to take forrrrrevvvvverrrrrr to finish up, and after work is over I have to go pick up alcohol for NYE....both for my brothers and for the shindig im going to (finally found a place I actually have an interest in going to haha). Originally, I was just going to go to a house party thrown by my fraternity...but honestly, the whole "hey lets hang out with these sorority girls.....again!" thing kinda got old for me about a year ago....so I rly didn't want to deal with that this year.
I found this comic entertaining:
http://www.explosm.net/comics/1511/
Currently Listn'n: Sanctus Real: "Deeds"
Monday, December 29, 2008
Hollow Again
So this past weekend went by really quickly.....I was on duty Friday and Saturday nights so I wasn't able to go out and do anything.....so I made up for it by going to mad mex last night with a few friends. (mental note: "set alarm BEFORE you go to the bar"). So I dreamed that I gto a txt message from gumby (guy I carpool with) asking me where i was...and then i got dressed and left my room
then i woke up and was like
"that was weird, lets check the time"
"oh, gumby txtd me.....when?....why is it 6:22?....fuck"
so needless to say, i was late for work this morning, but it's ok because there aren't many people here.
___________________________________________
In other news.......music has been a big part of my life for as longas I can remember, but I haven't been to a show in quite some time because all of my favorite bands have since broken up. However, recently I was talking about shows with a friend of mine and it made me miss those "good-ol-days" when i used to jam out in the pits at local shows......le sigh. SO, needless to say, if anyone has any good shows coming up (especially ska shows), let me know so I can be there.
then i woke up and was like
"that was weird, lets check the time"
"oh, gumby txtd me.....when?....why is it 6:22?....fuck"
so needless to say, i was late for work this morning, but it's ok because there aren't many people here.
___________________________________________
In other news.......music has been a big part of my life for as longas I can remember, but I haven't been to a show in quite some time because all of my favorite bands have since broken up. However, recently I was talking about shows with a friend of mine and it made me miss those "good-ol-days" when i used to jam out in the pits at local shows......le sigh. SO, needless to say, if anyone has any good shows coming up (especially ska shows), let me know so I can be there.
Friday, December 26, 2008
I bet you thought this song[blog] was about you
So i had to drive to DE from Jersey today since Race was closed for the Holidays.....a full 2 hr drive to come to an office where I am the only one here. So today will be spent watching the Dark Knight....texting....and doing the following.
100 things about me (got the idea from a friend):
1. I play hockey whenever I can
2. I was in Marching Band (drumline) and I loved it
3. I am a dork
4. I was in choir
5. i was a stage manager for my high school plays
6. fruity pebbles are my favorite cereal
7. driving by myself is one of my favorite activities
8. i dont really want to be an engineer
9. i almost went to Seminary school (that's where you go to become a pastor FYI)
10. i drive a black 2008 Mazda 3
11. i am the third "Peter" in my line
12. gin is my liquer of choice
13. i seem to date broken people, then i fix them
14. i hate when people lie
15. i like small groups of people
16. mario kart will intoxicated is one of my favorite pastimes
17. i read like it's nobodys business
18. i've been kicked out of 2 Bible studies while at school
19. I go to Drexel University
20. I am an electrical engineer
21. I am 21 (you see what i did there)
22. i am the co-founder and President of Weekend Warriors
23. I have no idea what to with my budget for this year
24. I am in Pi Kappa Alpha
25. i dislike MOST sorority girls (not all though)
26. i am an RA in Race St.
27. if i won the lottery id become a philosophy professor or a counselor
28. my family isnt very tight.....but i plan on making a family who is
29. i tend to give until i have nothing left
30. i am alergic to nuts
31. and possibly pets
32. my younger years were spent listening to Weird Al
33. I LOVE ska
34. my favorite band of al ltime is Five Iron Frenzy
35. music changed my life
36. ive only ever had sex with 3 different people
37. im a nerd
38. care too much
39. im too trusting yet i dont trust enough at the same time
40. im a good listener
41. i can give great advice, yet cant advise myself
42. i am a leader
43. i want at least 1 son
44. i believe in God
45. i love talking about any subject anyone is willing to talk about
46. i have a little brother (17)
47. i usually wake up pretty early (force of habit)
48. if u tell me something i will most likely believe it
49. i love seafood
50. i miss the ocean
51. i could ride waves all day if given the chance
52. a perfect night for me is hanging with my friends, having a few beers, and playing rockband or talkin or whatever.
53. a perfect date involves either a beach, movies w/ cuddling, or something adventurous
54. did i mention i was a dork?
55. i do not like women who are whores
56.i am the ONLY one in my office right now
57. my secret is that i would love to be the lead singer in a band...but im too scared to sing in front of most people
58. i eat my eggs with ketchup
59. i love cheese
60. i enjoy talking with people and learning about them.
61. i want to graduate so bad, but im also kind of scared about what comes next
62. i have never been farther west than South Dakota
63. i miss going to Creation
64. also miss going on mission trips
65. my longest relationship was 2.5 years
66. i didnt lose my virginity until i was 18
67. I have a tatoo
68. and i want more
69. i do not like giant boobies
70. i believe girls who pride themselves on their stupidity and overactive promiscuity deserve to be kicked in the vagina
71. i have never, nor will i ever, cheat on someone
72. i have cheated on a test though
73. i used to be an emo kid
74. i dont really fit into any one particular group anymore
75. i dont like MACs.....i prefer being able to upgrade my computer at my whim
76. i got a Wii for Christmas...now i must go and buy Mario Kart
77. i am obsessed with the reniassance/medieval period
78. yes, i go to ren. faires
79. i used to wrestle in high school
80. i blew out my left knee playing hockey...and then four more times doing other various things.
81. i had to stop playing most sports after that
82. i am not very political
83. i oppose prop 8
84. i believe homosexuality is not a sin (see # 18)
85. i like alcohol
86. I am a lightweight
87. im ok with that
88. i do not like beer pong......"yea lets throw a party and have the main thing be an event that only 4 people can participate in!"
89. my favortie numbers are 2 and 4
90. i am OCD about even numbers
91. i check facebook entirely too much
92. i am a good problem solver.
93. i love to cook for people
94. my favortie fast food (though i dont eat it much anymore) is Taco Bell
95. i have a large movie collection
96. my happiness comes from making other people happy
97. my favorite movie is probably the Count of Monte Cristo
98. i really cannot wait to have a family
99. u sure i mentioned that i was a dork?
100. i firmly believe that love IS the answer.
100 things about me (got the idea from a friend):
1. I play hockey whenever I can
2. I was in Marching Band (drumline) and I loved it
3. I am a dork
4. I was in choir
5. i was a stage manager for my high school plays
6. fruity pebbles are my favorite cereal
7. driving by myself is one of my favorite activities
8. i dont really want to be an engineer
9. i almost went to Seminary school (that's where you go to become a pastor FYI)
10. i drive a black 2008 Mazda 3
11. i am the third "Peter" in my line
12. gin is my liquer of choice
13. i seem to date broken people, then i fix them
14. i hate when people lie
15. i like small groups of people
16. mario kart will intoxicated is one of my favorite pastimes
17. i read like it's nobodys business
18. i've been kicked out of 2 Bible studies while at school
19. I go to Drexel University
20. I am an electrical engineer
21. I am 21 (you see what i did there)
22. i am the co-founder and President of Weekend Warriors
23. I have no idea what to with my budget for this year
24. I am in Pi Kappa Alpha
25. i dislike MOST sorority girls (not all though)
26. i am an RA in Race St.
27. if i won the lottery id become a philosophy professor or a counselor
28. my family isnt very tight.....but i plan on making a family who is
29. i tend to give until i have nothing left
30. i am alergic to nuts
31. and possibly pets
32. my younger years were spent listening to Weird Al
33. I LOVE ska
34. my favorite band of al ltime is Five Iron Frenzy
35. music changed my life
36. ive only ever had sex with 3 different people
37. im a nerd
38. care too much
39. im too trusting yet i dont trust enough at the same time
40. im a good listener
41. i can give great advice, yet cant advise myself
42. i am a leader
43. i want at least 1 son
44. i believe in God
45. i love talking about any subject anyone is willing to talk about
46. i have a little brother (17)
47. i usually wake up pretty early (force of habit)
48. if u tell me something i will most likely believe it
49. i love seafood
50. i miss the ocean
51. i could ride waves all day if given the chance
52. a perfect night for me is hanging with my friends, having a few beers, and playing rockband or talkin or whatever.
53. a perfect date involves either a beach, movies w/ cuddling, or something adventurous
54. did i mention i was a dork?
55. i do not like women who are whores
56.i am the ONLY one in my office right now
57. my secret is that i would love to be the lead singer in a band...but im too scared to sing in front of most people
58. i eat my eggs with ketchup
59. i love cheese
60. i enjoy talking with people and learning about them.
61. i want to graduate so bad, but im also kind of scared about what comes next
62. i have never been farther west than South Dakota
63. i miss going to Creation
64. also miss going on mission trips
65. my longest relationship was 2.5 years
66. i didnt lose my virginity until i was 18
67. I have a tatoo
68. and i want more
69. i do not like giant boobies
70. i believe girls who pride themselves on their stupidity and overactive promiscuity deserve to be kicked in the vagina
71. i have never, nor will i ever, cheat on someone
72. i have cheated on a test though
73. i used to be an emo kid
74. i dont really fit into any one particular group anymore
75. i dont like MACs.....i prefer being able to upgrade my computer at my whim
76. i got a Wii for Christmas...now i must go and buy Mario Kart
77. i am obsessed with the reniassance/medieval period
78. yes, i go to ren. faires
79. i used to wrestle in high school
80. i blew out my left knee playing hockey...and then four more times doing other various things.
81. i had to stop playing most sports after that
82. i am not very political
83. i oppose prop 8
84. i believe homosexuality is not a sin (see # 18)
85. i like alcohol
86. I am a lightweight
87. im ok with that
88. i do not like beer pong......"yea lets throw a party and have the main thing be an event that only 4 people can participate in!"
89. my favortie numbers are 2 and 4
90. i am OCD about even numbers
91. i check facebook entirely too much
92. i am a good problem solver.
93. i love to cook for people
94. my favortie fast food (though i dont eat it much anymore) is Taco Bell
95. i have a large movie collection
96. my happiness comes from making other people happy
97. my favorite movie is probably the Count of Monte Cristo
98. i really cannot wait to have a family
99. u sure i mentioned that i was a dork?
100. i firmly believe that love IS the answer.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
So i woke up this morning around 430AM freaking out.....bc i couldn't remember if I had to be out of the building by 8AM or PM today before it closes......turns out it was 8PM so no big deal. But still, I couldn't go back to sleep so I just chilled in my room and listened to Casting Crowns....it was enjoyable.
I doubt there are going to be many people in my office today, so hopefully I'll be able to find something entertaining to occupy my time with since it's my last day of work before goinghome tonight for Christmas.
I'm reeeeeeeeeeealy looking forward to seeing my family overthe next 2 days.....i miss them. It's weird that all of my older cousins are either married, have been married, or are engaged......I guess that means I'm next in line? hahaha
here's an xkcd:
http://xkcd.com/283/
Currently Listn'n: O.C. Supertones: "Lift me Up"
I doubt there are going to be many people in my office today, so hopefully I'll be able to find something entertaining to occupy my time with since it's my last day of work before goinghome tonight for Christmas.
I'm reeeeeeeeeeealy looking forward to seeing my family overthe next 2 days.....i miss them. It's weird that all of my older cousins are either married, have been married, or are engaged......I guess that means I'm next in line? hahaha
here's an xkcd:
http://xkcd.com/283/
Currently Listn'n: O.C. Supertones: "Lift me Up"
Monday, December 22, 2008
"Baby it's cold outside......what are you doing with that lighter!?!"
So i was driving to work this morning listening to Christams music and pondering the universe and the meaning of life and my place in it (as usual)....and I started to think about how people change during the "holidays." each year. Why is it that during this 2 week period, people are nicer to eachg other, yet for the other 50 weeks out of the year we are a bunch of cut-throat bastards, just tryin to make a buck. I honestly just don't get it......wahtever. However, I am excited to go home tomorrow evening an see the family....it's been over a month since I've seen everyone and I think it'll be a good thing for me since there's really no one to chill with over break.....and staying in a room barely larger than my office is not so entertaining.
I was thinking about this last night as well.....I don't think I'm really going to be happy until I have my own family.....I mean i've got my relatives and I love all of them....but none of us are really that close. However, when you have your own family, it changes your life....from one where you and your career is important, to one of providing for them. Now, I'm not saying I want to get married and have kids anytime soon (especially not while I'm still in school), but I honestly cannot wait until I get to have a kid and teach him/her/them about life and to rededicate my life to something greater....to them.
peace and love
Currently Listn'n: Skillet: "Yours to Hold"
PS - i love this song
I was thinking about this last night as well.....I don't think I'm really going to be happy until I have my own family.....I mean i've got my relatives and I love all of them....but none of us are really that close. However, when you have your own family, it changes your life....from one where you and your career is important, to one of providing for them. Now, I'm not saying I want to get married and have kids anytime soon (especially not while I'm still in school), but I honestly cannot wait until I get to have a kid and teach him/her/them about life and to rededicate my life to something greater....to them.
peace and love
Currently Listn'n: Skillet: "Yours to Hold"
PS - i love this song
Friday, December 19, 2008
all the....small things
man i tell ya'......it's the little things in life that make it worthwhile. So as you could tell from my previous, frustration-filled entry.....I had a pretty shitty morning/afternoon yesterday......but it got MUCH better as the day went on (hooray!).
Last night a few of the guys (and girls) hung out at the pike house....we had a few drinks and we played rockband2 for a good 2hrs........and I graduated to hard on the drumset (an amazing feat since i was kinda drunk when this happened)....although i did get kind of mad that Blitzkrieg Bop is only on the first version.....which was bad news bc when Im drunk I sometimes get these needs to hear a certain song....so I left the "party" and went home to turn it on......then i fell asleep haha
Today is going to be filled with two short meetings. One is with my regional manager and the other with a valve vendor (it's about as fun as it sounds). Then tonight I'm going out to get a tofu-packed dinner with a friend and I'll figure something out for after that as the day progresses.
Currently Listn'n: 12 Stones: "Broken Road" (My LAUNCHcast player knows exactly what to play for me! :D )
Last night a few of the guys (and girls) hung out at the pike house....we had a few drinks and we played rockband2 for a good 2hrs........and I graduated to hard on the drumset (an amazing feat since i was kinda drunk when this happened)....although i did get kind of mad that Blitzkrieg Bop is only on the first version.....which was bad news bc when Im drunk I sometimes get these needs to hear a certain song....so I left the "party" and went home to turn it on......then i fell asleep haha
Today is going to be filled with two short meetings. One is with my regional manager and the other with a valve vendor (it's about as fun as it sounds). Then tonight I'm going out to get a tofu-packed dinner with a friend and I'll figure something out for after that as the day progresses.
Currently Listn'n: 12 Stones: "Broken Road" (My LAUNCHcast player knows exactly what to play for me! :D )
Thursday, December 18, 2008
im an ant....the magnifying glass is looming
don't you love it when life is going smoothly (-ish?) for a few days and then
.
..
...
.....
.......WHAM!
you get hit with 3 things that fuck shit up all in one day?
.......i need something to focus my energies on tonight so that I can move past this :/
peace and love
.
..
...
.....
.......WHAM!
you get hit with 3 things that fuck shit up all in one day?
.......i need something to focus my energies on tonight so that I can move past this :/
peace and love
Hey you, yea you, I love you
So i was reminiscing last night (i tend to do that quite often these days) about my experience at Creation (mentioned yestedrday) and one other thing really stuck out to me that I had forgot to mention, but I feel it kind of wraps it up, so here we go....
....so as we were packing up, a girl walks up to me out of the blue.....someone i had never met says "Hey you!" I say "Me?" she says "Yea you..." then she walks up to me, wraps me in this huge hug and whispers "I love you" into my ear....then smiles and walks away.
now, to the "normal" person, this would seem kind of creepy and might result in a restraining order, but at the time I found it extremely comforting (and still do)....i think that that sentiment portrayed in her actions is a wonderful one.
"Hey you, yea you, I don't know about the mistakes you've made, or the lies you've told...and even if I did it wouldn't matter.....because I love you, wholly and implicitly. Without fear, condition, or an expectation of it being returned."
_________________________________
Yesterday, I got to leave work a little early (2PM) and since I drove myself instead of my usual carpool, I got to do something I hadn't in a while.......blast my music and jam whilst driving. I ended up going through..
FM Static
Roper
Five Iron Frenzy
OC Supertones
...on the ride home.......needless to say I wasn't able to speak for a few hours after haha. FM Static is more of poppy type of band, yet they have a decent quality inherent in most of their songs. Roper is a band lead by Reese Roper, the former lead singer of the band Five Iron Frenzy (which you already know about)..and the OC supertones are a ska band from Orange County California (they've also since split up to carry on various ministries).
After taking a nap till 5 i ended up chillin for a while and then going to smoke hookah with some friends of mine which was good time. but still......there was something missing...There's no doubt that my quality of life has increased dramatically since High School......just like everyone else I've had my ups and downs.....I have a budding idea as to what this thing is, but I have no idea as to how I should go about trying to obtain it......I just know that I need it, and soon.
i guess we can end on that till later
as always, peace and love
Currently Listening: don't laugh, just watch it.
....so as we were packing up, a girl walks up to me out of the blue.....someone i had never met says "Hey you!" I say "Me?" she says "Yea you..." then she walks up to me, wraps me in this huge hug and whispers "I love you" into my ear....then smiles and walks away.
now, to the "normal" person, this would seem kind of creepy and might result in a restraining order, but at the time I found it extremely comforting (and still do)....i think that that sentiment portrayed in her actions is a wonderful one.
"Hey you, yea you, I don't know about the mistakes you've made, or the lies you've told...and even if I did it wouldn't matter.....because I love you, wholly and implicitly. Without fear, condition, or an expectation of it being returned."
_________________________________
Yesterday, I got to leave work a little early (2PM) and since I drove myself instead of my usual carpool, I got to do something I hadn't in a while.......blast my music and jam whilst driving. I ended up going through..
FM Static
Roper
Five Iron Frenzy
OC Supertones
...on the ride home.......needless to say I wasn't able to speak for a few hours after haha. FM Static is more of poppy type of band, yet they have a decent quality inherent in most of their songs. Roper is a band lead by Reese Roper, the former lead singer of the band Five Iron Frenzy (which you already know about)..and the OC supertones are a ska band from Orange County California (they've also since split up to carry on various ministries).
After taking a nap till 5 i ended up chillin for a while and then going to smoke hookah with some friends of mine which was good time. but still......there was something missing...There's no doubt that my quality of life has increased dramatically since High School......just like everyone else I've had my ups and downs.....I have a budding idea as to what this thing is, but I have no idea as to how I should go about trying to obtain it......I just know that I need it, and soon.
i guess we can end on that till later
as always, peace and love
Currently Listening: don't laugh, just watch it.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Five Iron Frenzy
is my absolute favorite band......ever.......even though they are no longer together.
Now, my mother has been a Sunday School teaher as long as I can remember (yes, there's a backstory ^^) and thus I was forced to go to church for most of my beginning years.....but I never really WANTED to go. That is, not until I experienced Creation . If you followed the link then you know that Creation is a Christian music festival held every summer......sort of like our woodstock. Anyways, since I was forced to go to this I figured I'd just chill out and relax near our tents......holy crap was I wrong.
Now, some of my friends dragged me to a bunch of shows as well as a few seminars and I learned some interesting things/viewpoints I had never before considered. And then Friday (i think it was Friday) came, and I saw a ska band by the name of Five Iron Frenzy......my life was never the same after that. For whatever reason, their songs broke through that wall of teenage anger that we all seem to build up in our early years, and filled me with a hope that I had previously thought impossible. It was here and then that I dedicated my life to bringing this kind of happiness to as many people as I could.....after all, happiness is more fun when you spread it. So needless to say, I spent half of a week in PA one summer, and I came back a completely changed person......especially after the candlelight vigil that evening......just try to imagine 10,000 people on a mountainside, all holding a candle, all singing together for something they love (o wait you don't have to...just look here candle and then click on the candlelighting ceremony)......i can't wait to go back
So of course when I got home I immediately bought all of their CDs that I could find and memorized them within a week.
Ever since then I started teaching Sunday School, doing mission trips, etc.....although I haven't found a church here at Drexel that I fit into, and have even been kicked out of a few Bible studies bc my beliefs didn't "fit" their idea of what it meant to be a good person.
I did however, get to see FIF on their final tour which stopped by IN NJ ON MY BIRTHDAY......it was awesome, I couldn't hear nor speak for a full 48 hours afterwards.
here's the song that at EVERY show, they always play last (it's the final version not the older one if any of you are fans as well):
On Distant Shores (Every New Day)
I have been scarred so deep by life and cold despair, and brittle bones were broken far beyond repair. I have leveled lies so deep, the truth may never find. And inside my faithless heart, I stole things never mine. If mercy falls upon the broken and the poor, Dear Father, I will see you, there on distant shores. I have toiled for countless years and ever felt the cost, and I've been burned by this world's cold, like leaves beneath the frost. On my knees I've crawled to You, bleeding myself dry. But the price of life is more, than I could ever buy. And off of the blocks, I was headstrong and proud, at the front of the line for the card-carrying, highbrowed. With both eyes fastened tight, yet unscarred from the fight. Running at full tilt, my sword pulled from its hilt. It's funny how these things can slip away, our frail deeds, the last will wave good-bye. It's funny how the hope will bleed away, the citadels we build and fortify. Good-Bye. Night came and I broke my stride, I swallowed hard, but never cried. When grace was easy to forget, I'd denounce the hypocrites, casting first stones, killing my own. You would unscale my blind eyes, and I stood battered, but more wise, fighting to accelerate, shaking free from crippling weight. With resilience unsurpassed, I clawed my way to You at last. And on my knees, I wept at Your feet, I finally believed, that You still loved me. Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again. Jesus Christ, Light of the World,burning bright within our hearts forever. Freedom means love without condition, without beginning or an end. Here's my heart, let it be forever Yours, only You can make every new day seem so new.
listening to... Five Iron Frnzy: "Dandelions"
Now, my mother has been a Sunday School teaher as long as I can remember (yes, there's a backstory ^^) and thus I was forced to go to church for most of my beginning years.....but I never really WANTED to go. That is, not until I experienced Creation . If you followed the link then you know that Creation is a Christian music festival held every summer......sort of like our woodstock. Anyways, since I was forced to go to this I figured I'd just chill out and relax near our tents......holy crap was I wrong.
Now, some of my friends dragged me to a bunch of shows as well as a few seminars and I learned some interesting things/viewpoints I had never before considered. And then Friday (i think it was Friday) came, and I saw a ska band by the name of Five Iron Frenzy......my life was never the same after that. For whatever reason, their songs broke through that wall of teenage anger that we all seem to build up in our early years, and filled me with a hope that I had previously thought impossible. It was here and then that I dedicated my life to bringing this kind of happiness to as many people as I could.....after all, happiness is more fun when you spread it. So needless to say, I spent half of a week in PA one summer, and I came back a completely changed person......especially after the candlelight vigil that evening......just try to imagine 10,000 people on a mountainside, all holding a candle, all singing together for something they love (o wait you don't have to...just look here candle and then click on the candlelighting ceremony)......i can't wait to go back
So of course when I got home I immediately bought all of their CDs that I could find and memorized them within a week.
Ever since then I started teaching Sunday School, doing mission trips, etc.....although I haven't found a church here at Drexel that I fit into, and have even been kicked out of a few Bible studies bc my beliefs didn't "fit" their idea of what it meant to be a good person.
I did however, get to see FIF on their final tour which stopped by IN NJ ON MY BIRTHDAY......it was awesome, I couldn't hear nor speak for a full 48 hours afterwards.
here's the song that at EVERY show, they always play last (it's the final version not the older one if any of you are fans as well):
On Distant Shores (Every New Day)
I have been scarred so deep by life and cold despair, and brittle bones were broken far beyond repair. I have leveled lies so deep, the truth may never find. And inside my faithless heart, I stole things never mine. If mercy falls upon the broken and the poor, Dear Father, I will see you, there on distant shores. I have toiled for countless years and ever felt the cost, and I've been burned by this world's cold, like leaves beneath the frost. On my knees I've crawled to You, bleeding myself dry. But the price of life is more, than I could ever buy. And off of the blocks, I was headstrong and proud, at the front of the line for the card-carrying, highbrowed. With both eyes fastened tight, yet unscarred from the fight. Running at full tilt, my sword pulled from its hilt. It's funny how these things can slip away, our frail deeds, the last will wave good-bye. It's funny how the hope will bleed away, the citadels we build and fortify. Good-Bye. Night came and I broke my stride, I swallowed hard, but never cried. When grace was easy to forget, I'd denounce the hypocrites, casting first stones, killing my own. You would unscale my blind eyes, and I stood battered, but more wise, fighting to accelerate, shaking free from crippling weight. With resilience unsurpassed, I clawed my way to You at last. And on my knees, I wept at Your feet, I finally believed, that You still loved me. Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again. Jesus Christ, Light of the World,burning bright within our hearts forever. Freedom means love without condition, without beginning or an end. Here's my heart, let it be forever Yours, only You can make every new day seem so new.
listening to... Five Iron Frnzy: "Dandelions"
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
today is taking too long
...as they all have been seeming to do lately. I usually have a few things to keep me entertained during the day (both work related and unrelated), but it seems like everythign is just dead today, like the world after a snowfall...it's quiet, calm, except that in my cubicle i can't make snow-angels :(
i feel like i've gotten into this rut....i wake up, go to work, come home, drink a protein shake, work out, make dinner, have 4 or so hours to do wahtever, and en rinse and repeat. I need something new and exciting in my life.....but i'm not a proponent of heavy drug usage, and i'm stingy when it comes to buying things for myself....like i could use the money to benefit something else instead of my own selfish wants. This brings to mind sometihng i've been struggling with.....what is selfishness?
The dictionary defines it as putting one's needs above those of others.
What is "need though? and what is simply "want."
Put a starving child in front of me and I can tell you implicitly what her greatest need is (it's food if you couldn't guess). But what about if the person next to you has less food than you by far, but just enough to survive....barely. Is that person in need?
IMO (in my opinion, for you non-jargon-knowing people), the answer is a resounding YES. But then what do I do? Do I just give of myself to everyone around me until I have the same amount of "stuff" as the person with the least amount? it seems we have a dilemma.
I of course feel the need to do this, bc God saw fit to make me the way I am. but sometomes I find it hard to justify giving things out. Let's take the scenario of me giving away most of my stuff.....sure ive made a few people happy, but now i dont have a home, a car, or probably a job......how can I hope to make a difference in this world.....yet if i refuse to help these people to my greatest extent now, and I work hard at my life, I can get a good job and then use my influence (if i have any) to help them even more then I could if I commited to the idea right now.....but who knows waht'll happen in the meantime while the world waits for me to get to that point.....pain and suffering aren't going to hold off just bc I ask it not to.
I guess I just can't feel happy unless I'm helping someone or making some kind of difference......and I can't make a difference for anyone if I don't have contact with them.....so what do I do?
Kutless: "Grace and Love"
i feel like i've gotten into this rut....i wake up, go to work, come home, drink a protein shake, work out, make dinner, have 4 or so hours to do wahtever, and en rinse and repeat. I need something new and exciting in my life.....but i'm not a proponent of heavy drug usage, and i'm stingy when it comes to buying things for myself....like i could use the money to benefit something else instead of my own selfish wants. This brings to mind sometihng i've been struggling with.....what is selfishness?
The dictionary defines it as putting one's needs above those of others.
What is "need though? and what is simply "want."
Put a starving child in front of me and I can tell you implicitly what her greatest need is (it's food if you couldn't guess). But what about if the person next to you has less food than you by far, but just enough to survive....barely. Is that person in need?
IMO (in my opinion, for you non-jargon-knowing people), the answer is a resounding YES. But then what do I do? Do I just give of myself to everyone around me until I have the same amount of "stuff" as the person with the least amount? it seems we have a dilemma.
I of course feel the need to do this, bc God saw fit to make me the way I am. but sometomes I find it hard to justify giving things out. Let's take the scenario of me giving away most of my stuff.....sure ive made a few people happy, but now i dont have a home, a car, or probably a job......how can I hope to make a difference in this world.....yet if i refuse to help these people to my greatest extent now, and I work hard at my life, I can get a good job and then use my influence (if i have any) to help them even more then I could if I commited to the idea right now.....but who knows waht'll happen in the meantime while the world waits for me to get to that point.....pain and suffering aren't going to hold off just bc I ask it not to.
I guess I just can't feel happy unless I'm helping someone or making some kind of difference......and I can't make a difference for anyone if I don't have contact with them.....so what do I do?
Kutless: "Grace and Love"
42
Love.....what is it? How do we get it? Once we have it, how do we keep it? If it's true love, then why is it so hard?....these are some of the questions i've dedicated my recent years to trying to understand. At first I thought love was a physical connection (i know, nieve right?) and then i thought it was something i could never have (uhoh, emo time)...but then I realized that it was something ive always had, it just hadnt really manifested itself in my life as of yet.
There are three types of love (eros, philos, and agape), and all can be represented by fire.
Eros, is a match. it is physical attraction, or lust, something take little effort to create, provides relatively no lasting heat, is easily extinguished and forgotten (college much?).
Philos, is a torch. it is the love one has for friends or family (for some of us). The world around us can influence the direction that the fire moves, but ultimately, it requires a catastrophic event to put this fire out. This love is based on sometihng more than attraction, but one that is meaningfull and lasting.
Agape, the bonfire. this is the greatest love of all, so great in fact, that it isn't even human. This is God's love, or a completely altruistic love of others more then ourselves. As humans, we are incapable of being completely and totally selfless (although some of us try), and thus agape can never truely be attained by us, we simply aren't that enlightened.
So i ask you this before I go.....what type of love defines your life? how do you spread it and let it shine? does it shine still or has it been extinguished by our world? If so, i'd be happy to provide you with the materials to start your own fire once again.
peace
There are three types of love (eros, philos, and agape), and all can be represented by fire.
Eros, is a match. it is physical attraction, or lust, something take little effort to create, provides relatively no lasting heat, is easily extinguished and forgotten (college much?).
Philos, is a torch. it is the love one has for friends or family (for some of us). The world around us can influence the direction that the fire moves, but ultimately, it requires a catastrophic event to put this fire out. This love is based on sometihng more than attraction, but one that is meaningfull and lasting.
Agape, the bonfire. this is the greatest love of all, so great in fact, that it isn't even human. This is God's love, or a completely altruistic love of others more then ourselves. As humans, we are incapable of being completely and totally selfless (although some of us try), and thus agape can never truely be attained by us, we simply aren't that enlightened.
So i ask you this before I go.....what type of love defines your life? how do you spread it and let it shine? does it shine still or has it been extinguished by our world? If so, i'd be happy to provide you with the materials to start your own fire once again.
peace
here we go again
so I've blogged for the past three summers in accordance with my job requirements at Drexel...being a member of the Drexel Welcoming Crew. I actually kind of hated it bc it was something we were required to do, and it had to be edited for content that would shed Drexel in a positive light (this was one of my responsabilities, to check each members blog daily). I think that's why the idea of doing this never really appelaed to me so much, bc i associated it with working.....but recently, a friend of mine spiked my interest in this topic again, so we will see if i keep up with it or not......
SO it is now winter break time at Drexel, which suxorz big time since many of my friends go home fro break, and it gets quiet around campus. The good news is that my residents (yes, I'm an RA) are all gone since they are freshman, which means my floor is nice and quiet. Although i do miss the company at times. I became an RA for a few reasons....one was obvi the free housing/meal plan, ehich appeals to the frugal college student in me.....but more importantly was what an impact RAs have the potential to have. Most of us don't realize it, but being an "authority" figure on the floor allows you to really get to know these kids, and help them shape their lives......NOT to be an influence necessarily, but to be a catalyst for change, to provide them with experiences, opinions, and opportunitties that they may not have on their own.....for as much complaining about work as I do....i love my job.
SO it is now winter break time at Drexel, which suxorz big time since many of my friends go home fro break, and it gets quiet around campus. The good news is that my residents (yes, I'm an RA) are all gone since they are freshman, which means my floor is nice and quiet. Although i do miss the company at times. I became an RA for a few reasons....one was obvi the free housing/meal plan, ehich appeals to the frugal college student in me.....but more importantly was what an impact RAs have the potential to have. Most of us don't realize it, but being an "authority" figure on the floor allows you to really get to know these kids, and help them shape their lives......NOT to be an influence necessarily, but to be a catalyst for change, to provide them with experiences, opinions, and opportunitties that they may not have on their own.....for as much complaining about work as I do....i love my job.
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