We've MOVED!

upon constant request from a buddy of mine...I have moved my blog to wordpress.

it can be found here:

http://theusualchaos.wordpress.com/


i will be formatting it throughout the day....it's slightly confusing right now

"Life is a storm

... my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine! Then the fates will know you as we know you: as Albert Mondego, the man!": Edmond Dantes - Counte of Monte Cristo......favorite movie ever.

so i realize i havent written in a while but life has been rather busy as of late. So here we go!

Friday night was spent relaxing with a friend of mine who made dinner in return for some booze.....mmmmm stuffed shells!

Saturday we finally had our first WW trip of the year, skiing at Blue Moutain. It was my first time out on the mountain all season and it felt SO GOOD. I hung out with Mervin, Tim, Chris, and Bryant for most of the day so it was all good. The busdriver missed the Sheetz on the way home (i believe on purpose), so Tim was pissed that we had to settle for WaWa.

Best quote of the day goes to Tim: "Everyone hold on, my happy trail is stuck in my jeans, I cant move!"

Saturday night I went to MadMex with Matt for a bit then watched some canadian HS drama show with Liz till like 3 in the A.

Sunday I relaxed for a good portion of the morning since I hadn't really had time to myself lately (maybe i shouldve blogged then). Then watched "Love Actually" with Liz......let's talk about this movie for a second....

So I really like the idea of love being all around, and almost always conquering everything....it's basically my philosophy on life....but is it realistic in this day-in-age? i continue to hope so, but idk. Plus, the girl who ends up with the prime minister is INCREDIBLY attractive...both in the way she loks, and the kind of person that she portrays.....Zoey may have competition.....
Anywho, i got a little depressed after the movie was over seeing as how i havent really seen love anywhere around me at all lately.....blah.

On Monday we got the news that two brothers of AXP passed away in a car acident this past weekend......now obvi I feel sorry for their friends/family....but....(disclaimer: pessimism). I feel like people become so fake when things like this happen. This goes back to my discussion about "love being all around." People in the world (or at least around here) generally dont give a flying fuck about anyone but themselves.....then when things like this happen, everyone is all "cherish life" "i love you" blah blah blah......and then a week from now it will all go back to the same....there will still be drama, animosity, hate, apathy, and a total disregard for anything that doesnt immediately benefit you. Idk, i guess I fell like the way people act cheapens the tragedy that happened....you want my advice....try to ACTUALLY LEARN SOMETHING from this.....not how maybe YOU should stop and smell the roses, bc when ur gone, well, ur gone. But thw way that you TREAT OTHER people, will live on.....if that makes any sense.

ok, pessimism over.

Monday i woke up at 3AM to go to work early bc i had a presentation to my regional manager proposing the project i have been working on all coop. Originally we prokected it to be abouit 60k, but it has since gone up to about 160k....and is still rising, so i was freaking out that they were going to pull the plug....but they didnt....yet.

Then yesterday i was able to kind of catch up on some more WW stuff (we have another ski trip this Saturday), and have some time to myself...which was nice.

Lets see what today brings!

Currently Listn'n: Rammstein - "Amerika"

ready to RAWK

So I just bought this puppy for the upcoming ski trip.......it has built in headphones for cruisin and jammin......im pretty happy about it.


I cant wait to ski.......just the thought of careening down a mountain at high speeds has improved my mood for today :)

i remember this life...

This whole last week has just bit a shitstorm for various reasons....work, social life, family, my future, fear of the unknown.....

This song came on one of my mixs this morning.....and I think that out of all the songs ive ever listened to.....it probably has the best glimpse into my life thus far...

I've given up on giving up slowly, I'm blending in soYou won't even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fateThis one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemptionBecause I know to live you must give your life awayAnd I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity andI've been locked inside that house all the while You hold the keyAnd I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of meAnd even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going becauseI gotta get outta hereI'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistakeI gotta get outta hereAnd I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm begging You to be my escape.I'm giving up on doing this alone nowCause I've failed and I'm ready to be shown howHe's told me the way and I'm trying to get thereAnd this life sentence that I'm servingI admit that I'm every bit deserving But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity andI've been locked inside that house all the while You hold the keyAnd I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of meAnd even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going becauseI gotta get outta hereCause I'm afraid that this complacency is something I can't shakeI gotta get outta hereAnd I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm begging You to be my escape. I am a hostage to my own humanity Self detained and forced to live in this mess I've madeAnd all I'm asking is for You to do what You can with meBut I can't ask You to give what You already gaveCause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity andI've been locked inside that house all the while you hold the keyAnd I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of meAnd even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going becauseI've gotta get outta hereI'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistakeI've gotta get outta hereAnd I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm beggingYou to be my escape.I fought You for so longI should have let You inOh how we regret those things we doAnd all I was trying to do was save my own skin But so were You So were You

i'm oh so tired of everything right now.......i dont know how to get by....maybe ill just myself with work since i have a lot of WW stuff to do.

i tihnk i need to reevaluate the life ive been living, sometimes i feel like being the "nice guy" was a terrible choice, as only assholes seem to be happy in today's world.

...but who am i kidding, i do like the person ive become, and when it comes down to it, i would never forgive myself for not beign true to who i am and the way i believe life should be lived. Life is a gift, a precious one, not be squandored with sexual promiscuity and hate/apathy......life is meant to be LIVED....and the only way to do that is to love, unexlplicably, unabidedly, unadulturated love.

......i just cant seem to find any here

Currently Listn'n: Plain White T's - "Hate"

It's raining...

....inside of my head this week.

i picked that opening statement because I feel like a lot of people's moods are directly influeneced by the weather around them.....hence you get a "wintertime depression"...also why more people date/have relationships during the spring/summer time......it's just how you feel at the time.

So since it's raining in my head im kind of scared......bc this means that i've been in sort of an emo mood as of late.....something I really didn't want to go back to since I left it in highschool.

Soooooo, some backstory....my life in HS was really bad. I was (still am?) the fat kid that few people liked. I never really had any close friends (only 1 that I still talk to....but even then it's rare)....and hardly any relationships to speak of.

This got slightly better around junior year when I joined my marching band (drumline), the choir, and the stagecrew.....it was nice to finally find people who I could talk to....and who wouldn't judge me for what i looked like, where i was from, or what music i listened to.....it was really nice......i miss it more than anything in the world. I've made a lot of friends in college through pike, WW, all my classes, works, and activities....but it's not like it used to be. Everyone is so focused on being "independant" that they seldom think they need/will take advice....which is one of the only things im actually good at......so what purpose do i have? to continually offer a service that means nothing to everybody? my life is kind of empty. I really dont know what to do sometimes.

maybe that's one of the reasons why im so focused on relationships....bc i know that in one of those i have an outlet to give of myself to someone who would appreciate it...id belong somewhere.....and i have so much to give.

as a kid i really had no family life to speak of....my father worked a min of 60 hrs a week (still does), my mom teaches and has a disorder where shes fatigued all the time......my little brother has ADD. Past all of that, when we got home we would basically go into our respective rooms, come out for dinner, then retire to do homework.watch TV/ whatever......wash-rinse-repeat. Of course I love my family more than anything....but when i was with my crew kids or the band, i felt like i had a place that I really flourished...i got used to that.

Here, especially given the fact that i am CONSTANTLY busy with all of the activities/assignents that i have on my plate, i dont think ive made any real close friends that I can really be myself around....there are few people who i would feel comfortable explaining my past to....and even less who would understand the other things not mentioned here...

they say that "home is where the heart is"......so i guess i live on my sleeve then.

Currently Listn'n: ReliantK - "Deathbed"

another fucking day, it's still a nine-to-five i swear...

...i don't want to reach the top, I don't want top be a millionaire. (Catch22: "arm to arm")

so friday night I ended up just going to the social with DPhiE for a little bit....had a few beers then peaced since it was kind of lame. Then I came back, hung out and half-watched a movie.....good times.

Saturday was spent rock-climbing with the rest of the RA staff in my building for our team-builder.....I only made it halfway up the first wall bc i ran out of handholds that could effectively support my weight....i got yelled at for not finishing by some skinny bitch...i told her to finish a meal for once in her life and then try it (not really, im notthat mean....but i thought about saying it).....but the next wall we went to I made it up to the top.....so i was happy about that. Then we all went to the cafe which was a terrible idea, because everytime i go there I feel like i need to a eat a lot to get my moneys worth since they charge so much.....i felt like death afterwards.

Saturday night I went to drink at 530 (hahaha) with gumby and a few people I rly did not want to see before going to deepher dude, which is essencially a male pageant show...but it's to rase money for cystic fibrosis, so I guess it's ok. I left about 2/3 of the way through bc I was bored.....so we went to one of the brothers' houses on Arch St. to play some 10-cup pong for a bit.......first thing that happened was i got the keg cap put in my beer (which means you have to chug it)...then i played about 4 games of pong......i was kindof messed up....i tackled to guys who were each twice my size for no reason whatsoever otrher than i thought it would be hilarious.....it was......i almost stopped breathing bc i was laughing so hard....then they told me i should probably go home and go to bed......so i went home, and hung out with Liz for a bit, then went to bed.

Sunday consisted of catching up on some much needed rest and relaxation....it was glorious.

Today is looking up, as my staff meeting is cancelled tonight on account of MLK Day....although I still have to be on duty.

Currently Listn'n: 12 Stones - "Lie to Me"

celebrity blogggggggg

Pete is listening to Rent right now. It's embarrassing and awesome at the same time. Just saying. :)